WRPK in New Albertastan, ep. 3

derek-fildebrandt

WRPK in New Albertastan

A pair of lovable know-nothing zealots engage in hilarious hijinks as they battle creeping socialism and corporate welfare in the prairie heartland.

Episode 3: Santa’s Government Claws

Scene: WRP HQ

Brian sits at a desk working through a stack of Christmas cards. Derek walks up.

Derek: Signing Christmas cards for the members, are you boss?

Brian: That’s right.

Derek: and you’re… …um.

Brian: Putting a big black X on Santa’s face before they get sent out. That’s right. Because why? Because Santa’s a socialist, that’s why. This whole picking who’s naughty and nice thing, that’s big government pick winners and losers. And picking winners and losers is…?

Derek: …is for free markets to decide.

Brian: That’s right too. Markets and only markets.

Derek: You know how you were telling me to worry about the optics…

Brian: Yeah?

Derek: And you know how you were saying we should boycott Notley’s secret Santa for the Leg?

Brian: Yeah?

Derek: Well the optic might not be so good if we don’t give anything. So how about we give out just a card with this in it? (Hands Brian a slip of paper)

Brian: (reading) “The WRP invites you to join in its boycott of socialist Santa. Christmas is for Christ, not creeping communism.” Hey that’s good, Derek, poetic, even.

Derek: Thanks, boss.

Brian: And you’re right about the optics. We don’t wanna seem heartless. Don’t get me wrong, Scrooge was right about a lot of things, but hey, bad optics. (Grabs his stack of Christmas cards) Tighten your belt, Derek, we got a party to crash.

Scene: Derek stands gloomily near people in festive spirits. Brian walks up.

Brian: That was weird. She winked at me.

Derek: Winked at you? That is weird, boss. Whose name did you draw?

Brian: (glances at a slip of paper) Oh, that is kinda funny. I got your name. Ha ha. (Hands Derek an envelope) “The WRP invites you to join in its boycott of socialist Santa. Christmas is for Christ, not creeping communism.” Ha ha. Who did you get?

Derek: Well, that is funny, boss, cuz I got your name. (Tries to hand Brian an envelope) “The WRP invites YOU to…

Brian: (scowling) I know what the card says, Derek. Shut up!

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